This kind of thing is easier said than done, I know. But sometimes all it takes is putting your thoughts on paper and a creating a to-do list to get you started on the road to recovery. When it comes to heartbreak, the sooner you start putting yourself first, the better.
Before meeting Gary, I had my fair share of relationships that ended in heartbreak. They eventually led me to finding the right person, but that's not an easy perspective to have when you're right in the middle of an emotional breakup. With the gift of hindsight, I can look back and share five tips that will truly help you prioritize yourself and move onto much better things!
First, Change Your Perspective
Right now, it feels like you can't breathe – that’s it and you’re sure it won’t get better. You don't have to jump out of bed the next day and force yourself to be happy; not only is that impossible, but it’s not healthy. So take the time to digest this huge life change, and actually mourn the loss you’re experiencing. When a relationship ends, it can feel like a part of you is gone, too. We all invest bits of ourselves into our relationships (some more than others) because we are intertwining our lives with that person. It's totally normal to feel like there’s a void when it ends. But you will make it through and survive; it's just a matter of time (which is hard to hear, but time does heal!)
Second, Find The Lesson
There’s no such thing as a relationship being a waste of time. You can learn something from each one. In light of a breakup, take time to reflect on what you learned. The end of something may be considered a failure, but failure is crucial for growth. We learn through failure what we need for ourselves and what we want from life and our partner. So take this time to be really honest with yourself. Here are some questions to get you started: Did that relationship help you grow? Did it make you a better person? Were you happy or just comfortable? How you answer these questions will teach you about yourself and what you should look for in the future.
Third, Love Yourself
This seems obvious and you may be rolling your eyes, but the very best way to cope with it is to focus all of your energy on yourself. Learn about who you are without your partner, because you truly have the time to do that right now! This is the best way to care for yourself during a rough time. Ask yourself these questions: What excites you and fulfills you? What are your weaknesses, your strengths? Now is the time to work on them. Heartbreak can help you be brutally honest with yourself and can drive great self-reflection.
Fourth, Be Happy Alone
Do whatever you can to make yourself happy on your own. This makes you stronger, more focused, and teaches you about the person who you want beside you. If you can make yourself happy and comfortable as a solo act, just think about how grounded and confident you will be when establishing who you want by your side.
Lastly, Don't Doubt
Never doubt your self-worth. You deserve someone who will fight for you. If this relationship ended, it means it wasn’t the right thing and you’re destined for something greater. One of the biggest lessons we have to learn is that when it comes to finding a life partner, don’t compromise. If the relationship ended because of something you did wrong, learn from it and figure out what was lacking in the relationship that led to this happening. If it was the other person who broke it off, why didn't they fight hard enough for you? Shift your perspective to realizing that you're lucky that it ended. It sucks now, but it won’t suck forever.
As awful as heartbreak is – and I know how much it sucks right now – it's a gift to experience these emotions of love, friendship, and partnership, even if it didn't work out. Never look back. It wasn't meant to be. This is your shot to become the best version of yourself and attract the partner you truly deserve.
I hope this helps anyone going through a breakup right now! I know it feels yucky and endless, but this will pass. Every day, with these tips I've talked about, you'll be on your way to healing and finding your person.
Until next time!